Finding a Wish
by HoshisamaValmor
Summary: The night Alois, still called Jim and therefore still as a slave for Earl Trancy, made the contract with Claude. Rated for rape, non-graphic nor explicit but present.


Author's Note: This is my first M rated fic, and as I can only write canon-based fics I had to do this.

This takes place when Alois is still called Jim and is a slave for the head of Trancy family. More specifically, the scene before the flashback in episode 8. going to the beginning of episode 1 when Alois makes the contract with Claude.

**Warning:** Like said on the summary, this contains rape, non-graphic nor explicit but present, so if it upsets you don't read forward. Don't say I didn't warn.

**Update: **Corrected all the typos I could. Honestly, I nearly threw up when I saw how many they were. I don't have much time to type, so I miss the letters.

**DISCLAIMER: **I, HoshisamaValmor, don't own Kuroshitsuji.

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He could hear that perverted man yelling at his servants even before he turned to stare at the great wooden door of Lord Trancy's room. Many boys were perishing to the illness, and it came the time for Jim to be escorted to the master's chambers. Even if the boy had been of the old man's dislike since the first time he laid his eyes on Jim. No doubt the man was complaining about the choice.

_Well, he'll shut up soon_, Jim thought. There was nothing to be proud about being a slave for a pervert, but even in that perverted version of himself, with nothing but a majestic and expensive red robe with spiderweb patterns, similar to a Japanese robe, that uncovered his left shoulder and deeply contrasted with his pale skin and hair, Jim had to admit to himself that he was rather beautiful. He had never took much thinking or consideration about his looks before, but while the maids brushed his blond locks to perfection and dressed him those robes, he caught a first real glimpse of himself. And he didn't find he was ugly, nor that his eyes were ugly, like the pervert had shouted before beating him.

Such comfortable clothes. Perhaps just to imagine their price made Jim want to feel comfortable. It should be nice to be a Lord and wear expensive clothing and be admired by one's looks without immediate or clear distorted intentions.

Maybe his wish was to be a noble? Who knows. He needed to decide carefully.

Before he was left in the front of the door, he stared at his robes once again. Spiderweb pattern. The Trancy insignia was a spider, but the irony didn't escape him that the demon he had talked to also appeared as a spider. Strange coincidence.

Jim breathed deeply and opened the door, starting his planned act, of the innocent little boy he had learned those perverts liked. It was a dreadful act, but it was also what it took for him to survive.

The effect on the Trancy Lord was almost immediate. The ugly man was still on his bathtub (Jim had never seen one so magnificent), shaking one servant roughly when he suddenly stopped and turned to meet the red-clad boy at the door. It was particularly clear on his eyes, that were full of dislike on one moment and enflamed to an unspeakable lust in a second. The man even blushed at the sight.

Jim felt his stomach twist, but he worked his expression to maintain the same unchanged mask. How dared that disgusting man say Jim's eyes were like polluted pipes when his were the ones that almost made the blond want to throw up?

But despite everything, there was a present hint of self gratification for having ridicule the man to the point of him trembling his voice and even falling from the bathtub in front of the boy's delicate white feet.

"I'm sorry I kept you waiting, dearest Father," he said with a soft voice and with a half-smile. He knew the smile was partially from superiority towards the pathetic man on the floor. The more he looked at the aged man, now grabbing his leg as if it was a piece of art in itself, the more sickened he found he was.

The sense of happiness and small pride for his first victory against the Lord was quickly destroyed, however, actually far quicker than he had been expecting, as soon as they were left alone by the servants.

Jim was no child anymore despite his age and looks, and everyone on Lord Trancy's household knew what the corrupted man did with the boys he even dared call _"dolls"_ and treated as mere objects. Jim had only heard the stories because the previous hate-label he had by the Lord had kept him away from the man's grasp.

But now that he same appearance he himself had praised moments before had got all the attention, the man wouldn't let him go. His rough hands seemed to be everywhere, touching the naked skin beneath the robes with exaggerated haste and excitement, making the mask and the act more difficult to keep up by every inch of skin that was touched.

"Jim... I didn't think you were..." the man said against his ear with a shallow breathing and a lustful tone, holding Jim against him and keeping his hands over the boy's chest as if afraid they would be separated, "...so beautiful."

"Thank you, Father," the reply came with the forced innocence. The more things progressed, the more the whole scenario revealed itself to be wrong in the way Jim knew it was but had yet to truly experience exactly how much. The Lord moved his hands to Jim's shoulders and slowly lowered the red cloth to his elbows, leaving him practically naked.

The man had not bother dressing anything either after falling from the tub, merely cleaned the foam out of his body, so Jim could feel the Lord's heated chest on his back. The continuous asphyxiating caresses were interrupted when the man grabbed Jim and lifted him some inches from the floor, surprising him slightly before he was thrown to the edge of the Lord's enormous bed, the touching restarting yet again after few moments.

Despite his delicate skin, Jim was still a slave and there were some bruises and scars scattered throughout his body, staining the fantasy of the innocent child the Lord enjoyed. Even so, when the old man came across one particularly bad bruise, he merely displayed an unpleased look, as if it was Jim's fault he was marked, and continued his apparent quest of touching every bit of flesh he could.

"Beautiful, beautiful, Jim," the Lord almost squealed happily, and when Jim directed his eyes to the man's face, bended over him so to appreciate him better, he saw the pervert was almost salivating. For a second, he actually feared the man would eat him alive. The other boys had muttered it once or twice, and the man was truly scary when looked attentively. Not only because his face was covered in strange dark spots and his teeth seemed displaced in his mouth, but because something in the black holes that were his eyes seemed like they would suck you and devour you whole. The demon had not looked as terrifying as that supposed human did.

While Jim thought of what he should do or act next, the pervert's excitement had already escalated to the man's desired point and his touch stopped being as soft as it had been to turn to painful grips on the boy's hips, which made Jim gasp.

"F-Father..." he tried to sound frightened, which he admitted wasn't as hard as he would want it to be, but then his breath was taken away when the unbearable pain came.

His eyes widened and his hands turned into tight fists around the silk bed sheets, but he couldn't even scream and only a strangled sound escaped his lips.

"Oh Jim!" the man's tone was totally opposite to his, a red blush and a satisfied grin appearing on his face. "You are really beautiful! What a beautiful doll indeed!"

Before he could totally notice it, there were hot tears trailing from the corners of his eyes towards his blond locks, no longer brushed and impeccable. The pain didn't stop or even lessen, and for each tear that flowed the more he wanted to scream. When he realized he wasn't holding it on free will but rather because of the shock, it was like his lungs had been released from an invisible hand and he screamed so much the disgusting man had to cover his moth, almost suffocating him, to silence him.

"Why are you yelling so loudly? Stupid doll, shut up!" he ordered, slapping Jim afterwards.

_God. God, please make the pain go away._

That silent prayer continued in his head for all the time it took for the Lord to be satisfied. Jim didn't scream anymore, he simply couldn't find the strength to do it. Tears didn't require strength to be shed.

"See, Jim?" Lord Trancy spat, straitening up with difficulty from his old bone structure, and leaving the broken boy on the edge of the bed without bothering to cover him decently. "Without your screaming, it's much nicer, isn't it? Answer me, Jim."

Jim couldn't, nor wanted to reply. He didn't even want to hear that name again after having been disgustingly said by the man while violating him. He'd change his name to anything else rather than hear it be said out loud again.

The Lord hit him for disobeying, but Jim didn't scream nor fought back so the man quickly grew bored and moved through the room for a while, probably smocking a cigar, by the scent that tainted the air.

He didn't feel beautiful anymore. _"Tattered"_ wouldn't even begin to describe how he felt on the outside, let alone on the inside. He wanted to disappear. Maybe he wanted to die? He just wanted to fall asleep and don't wake up again. He didn't feel capable of doing anything anymore, he knew without looking that his eyes had gone empty, reflecting his soul. He couldn't even feel disgust. Just nothing.

Somewhere on the ceiling of the room, a spider came out of hiding and approached its web, where a defenseless prey had been caught and waited to be devoured. Jim surprised himself for being able to find it a good metaphor for him. He was the spider's defenseless prey, and was already half-eaten.

It didn't take long until the seemingly insatiable lust of the Lord reawaken, and yet again the monster was salivating and touching him eagerly. He lifted Jim's dead weight and pulled him higher on the bed, lifting him towards his chest afterwards in a phantom form of a hug. Indeed, there was a real reason why the man called the boys' his dolls. That was what they became in his hands. Broken dolls. There was no will on Jim's body, no energy, so he would simply fall at every movement the man coordinate him to. While he was still against the man's torso, the sleeves of the now useless red robe finally being totally striped from his, Jim knew the man took their souls away and turned them into lifeless puppets, and the prayers echoed through his head again.

_God, please make the pain go away. God, pleas-_

_Wait._

His eyes widened once more, but not because of the pain like before. Instead, they shot up to the ceiling. The spider was still consuming the insect on its web.

Not God. Demon.

He was surrounded by darkness. Everywhere there was darkness. He didn't even have a wish to ask of it. But he had now. He found out that he wanted.

Jim wanted the demon. That was his wish. And the demon knew it already, that was why he had come. He knew. His prey was on his web, and was willingly waiting for him.

The pain faded into nothingness after the man fell asleep, and Jim lifted himself from the bed slowly, feeling no cold on his naked body because the room was different, its whole atmosphere seemed different. Maybe he was dreaming again, or he thought he was, like the first time he met the spider. It seemed real and the room appeared normal, but the lighting, the shadows and the shining spiderwebs told otherwise.

The spider was there again.

He wanted to kill the Lord. Wanted to release the other slaves. Wanted to become a noble and use his power to find out what killed Luca.

"Say it," the familiar deep voice echoed.

"I desire you."

**~おわり**

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**Author's Note:** Thanks for reading, sorry for typo mistakes.

Reviews are appreaciated.


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